me and my baby

Today I was lingering this post like I was having my extra cream coffee...first I take the aroma in.... then I have this small sips like my life depends on it. A cup can either make you or break you. So what's the verdict you ask? Did this challenge changed me? I constantly review new things I am trying out. And I usually like most things generally because of my overly enthusiastic behavior :)

Now for my last post for this challenge...My hopes for my blog, my newest love!

As always I hope BIG. Everything in my world is like in the Disney animations, too cartoony. I think YOU have already guessed it by my overly cartoony banner at the beginning of my blog :p

As for my hopes...

1. I want the whole world to read my blog, like it or hate it, doesn't matter!

2. I want others to help, through my words, my prescriptions & medications, my joy, my silliness!

3. I will be able to awesomely design my blog on my own & my little brother will be like "WOW! the best layout!"

4. My blog will be filled with these awesome pictures that I have taken without the auto mode!

5. One day, my daughter will grow up to be this amazing woman & tell her children all about our journey & my madness!

6. I will be 100 years old & still doing these holographic style blog challenges, sitting in outer space in a space ship!

7. Get on top of the Mount Everest & pin a flag of my blog logo!

MY BABIES.. MY JIAN &  MY BLOG!!

I am going to miss these awesomely funny & terrifying questions. But I have always believed " IF SOMETHING ENDS...SOMETHING ELSE BEGINS! "

Now for my terrible confession without any boring intros..

I sometimes or may be often think that I am a bad mother or I won't be good enough or the best as I have to follow my career. There I have said it & now I just want to cry & scream!

Did I tell you I had OCD? But when you have so many changes in life coming AT 2000 miles/hr...being married...moving after 6 months from a 1400 to a 700 sq. ft apartment with 2 of Kamal's brothers sharing a single bath room like a college dorm.....attending an exam & starting training in between...learning it's going to be nearly impossible getting pregnant...going to my mother's at the Fridays...being in a large combined family, practically attending these large get togethers & parties every week as an obligation for being the new daughter-in-law,etc...I can go forever. But everything happens for a reason, right. So there I was, more obsessed then ever, trying everybody to like me & I was lost. Then I started meditating & some of the things change. But I still have this one wire loose in my brain which sparks up every time something  that I don't like happens...When my husband tries to tease me.. When Jian destroys every thing I practically own & love...When my mother doesn't listen to me & treats me like a child & says that I am so INEXPERIENCED & IMPRACTICAL & too dreamy type!

I know no mother is perfect. I don't care when people judge me without wearing my shoes or out of their ignorance or stupidity. I only want my daughter to be proud of me.



 I found this in pinterest & IT MADE MY DAY! It's from motherletters. They have these awesome posters for free download. Check them out & you can even give them to yourself as mother's day gift.

This is going to be really an embarrassing one. I mean telling the whole world your humiliating story which you don't want to share at all. OK..I am just letting my boundaries down & wishing practically no one is going to read this post! Oh yeah, I just crossed my fingers!

You all know about my fairytale wedding with all the twists. It was not like all these traditional weddings, where the girl never liked the bald, wealthy husband, but said yes anyway for her parents sake. I had to fight almost for 4 yrs. just so that my father would agree to meet my PRINCE! That's a classic story which I am definitely saving up for my grand kids & sharing with you guys in another post...

Now everybody knew Kamal. I mean all my uncles & aunts. Some of them called me to their home & asked me if I loved him & wanted to be with him. You wouldn't believe, but I had to face these intimidating family meetings almost 10 or 20 times. That was really embarrassing for me. I never thought myself to be romantic or like Juliet. But I had to come in front of the whole world & express my love. I still feel embarrassed  whenever I think about that part of my life :(

ALL FOR MY ROMEO!!

I am so tired that I almost fell asleep over the key board. On top of that Jian broke my mouse & my closet is a mess. So this is the worst time doing a closet post. When I was young & restless ( I mean without a kid ), my closet was my treasure chest. I used to keep it so neat & clean. Everything was always sorted out by color & priority. But now I am happy if I can just find something clean to wear. I constantly pick up things from the floor & shove them in my cupboard.Yeah, I forgot to tell you I don't have a closet, I proudly own a three door wooden almira with painted glass decorations on top, designed by me & the glass decor were done by husband's students.After being a mother I have learned some tricks to keeping it easy & simple...

1. I try to curate & donate things on monthly basis.

2. I used to hold on to stuffs specially pre-pregnancy dresses. But after realizing this is only going to give me more pain, recently I have donated almost everything!

3. I try to buy things if only I really really need them! Saves me money, space & a ton of headache.

4. I always have some negative space so I could shove things if suddenly there is a need to attend some guest which is quite often in my case. Most of our guests are either casual friends or work buddies.

4. I sent most of the items to ironing store after washing, so they are pressed & arranged, 2 in 1! I stopped ironing after Jian arrived, because of all the burn accidents, I have witnessed in the hospitals.

5. We have our designated space for everything. but to tell the truth sometime Jian's things occupy our shelves!

THE GLASS PAINTINGS

THREE DOOR ALMIRA

I TRIED TO MAKE IT A PANORAMA ( SORRY FOR THE MESS )

These last few questions are giving me a headache.So I am cheating a little & asking my husband to help me out :). Most of the time he confuses me more but sometimes he helps me to brain storm. Oh! I really hate self praising. But I have to man up & answer these unique challenge questions. I have to admit they are very interesting & useful for learning facts about yourself that you didn't know before. Now something to say about my hidden talent ( this was really hard because at first I thought I didn't had any talent )...

After I got into the merit list for medical admissions, I worked in a coaching center & taught Biology to high school students. I really loved it & my students loved me,too. Even after 10 years they come to my house for advice. When I was in my medical college I did some tuition. I always had this passion about explaining something hard to my students & it came natural to me. Even now while I have been studying with my partners, I try these little tricks & make it more simple to remember.

I also have this talent to make something boring very interesting. I watch these geeky documentaries but make them so enjoyable just by changing the point of view. When I was little I used to think that I was in a TV Show, showing other people to organize while actually I was doing silly boring daily chores!

HMMM... LESSON OF LIFE. WILL I BE ABLE TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR THIS LITTLE BRAT!

I must warn you ... I am not a regreter. I mean I always had that in me. You can refer this to being stubborn or nonsense. But I always stood by me specially when nobody else did! Eventually it did help me grow. I do something wrong, I deal with it. Period. I rarely do something stupid twice.

I also believe if something is happening, it's must be happening for a reason. JUST WAIT! You will find the reason soon enough. But I am going say something for the sake of the challenge.

My Regrets both small & big:

1. I should cook more often.

2. I should have been more regular in my medical college & studied more.

3. Should have been more open with my class mates.

4. Less picky about friends.

5. Exercised more & eat healthy after my delivery or when Jian stopped breast feeding!

How can I regret when everything lead me to these two!

 I always ask my husband this blog questions & compare my answers. Most of the time he is like "I don't know" or " Is the question for real?" But today he answered so perfectly. I asked him what attracted him to me & he said that my simplicity & innocence. Well now I have become this cruel, complicated witch who fights with almost everyone. I never thought I would change BUT REALITY just changed me a lot. If you are simple, people will take you as a fool. If you are innocent, everybody will think you as outdated.

Anyways now to the points that attracts me in love...( basically the reason I fell in love with Kamal)

1. Extremely caring: We went to a restaurant on our first meeting. He put the ketch-up on my burger & poured my drink. I was speechless.

2. I could say something boring about some stupid topic & he would listen!

3. We have similar kinds of view regarding life.

4. He understands me better than anybody, better than me.

5. His honesty towards other people.

Most of the time he doesn't read my posts so don't tell him but here is a picture of him in our wedding which I thought would explain everything.

Recently I have come to realize money is not that important. The amount of money & it's value solely depends on the person who is spending it. You may have all the money you need but feel miserable & you might be a poor dog but the happiest.I have these friends, who have tons of money in the bank, getting a handsome salary, owning 3 or 4 flats, having 2 cars. But complaining 24x7. And here I am! Moneyless, currently a jobless student, an overwhelmed new mother, with nothing in my name, value wise.

When I was a teenager I used have these fantasies about winning lotteries, having rich grandmothers, etc. Months before getting pregnant I did this meditation workshop & it was a life changing experience. They have all these thinking & prayer sessions which is always mind blowing. Once our teacher said something about fantasizing that our dreams finally came true,like having a lot of money, all the problems getting solved, all our silly prayers getting answered....Then it just strucked  me. All I need is the feeling of peace not the unnecessary things attached to it.

But I guess I have to stop eating your brains out & pretend to answer this question about me winning the lottery.. I would give all the money to my husband & ask him to spend half in my future humanitarian organization & half in a business related to child stuff, like a Children Hospital, a Baby food company or a School which will eventually run my humanitarian project by it's profits. Oh! I feel so peaceful with the thoughts alone. The joy of being able to care & change even a single life is truly worth living for. The immense joy! The eternal joy!

I DID WIN A LOTTERY IN LIFE & THIS WAS MY PRIZE!!

This is going to be an embarrassing post. I have may be 2 or 3 bad habits but they are really evil & shameful. It's not easy just to admit to your bad side. I knew this challenge would be difficult, but for me this is going to be very eye opening! I guess sometimes you just have to face your demons in order to win over them. I am a quite positive person & I am trying hard for self improvement. After we had Jian everything in life changed for me. First I thought I had lost myself. But then I found the real me, the person that I longed myself to be all these years. So I am trying even though it's not enough. But God knows I am trying with everything I have got. You are thinking why this long boring speech & where the hell is my point, but I promise I have a good one as long as you be patient & hear me out!

My worst habits (according to my husband) & my humble explanations!

1. I loose my temper very easily- I was a FCPS trainee with no money, a new mother with no sleep.

2. I sleep late at night & don't get up early- If I don't get to sleep at 11, my sleep cycle just breaks down.  

3. I am bad at time management- It doesn't matter how hard I try Something comes up & I loose track of time.

4. I do 3 or 4 things simultaneously- I had this obsession to be perfect, so I used to multi-task. I am trying to let go of things now.

I am a pretty emotional person in my weird kind of way. I mean I even cry at commercials. But thanks to God I have a strong husband. So obviously he has to bear my sadness for me. Some of the things that make me sad are-

Whenever I fight with Kamal
When I fight with my mother
Jian with fever - because she hates medicines
People being rude without any apparent reason
Children in pain
Childhood labor & Children beggars
Wrong people getting credits

When people say I have become fat even though it's very impolite to say something so rude to my beautiful curves.
Let's finish today with one of my favorite commercials which I found in the Facebook & wipe out all the sadness..


 

I am a silly person you may say, because I get happy in the littlest things, silly things! Do you really need millions of dollars, a Ferrari & a palace to be happy? Or you can just be like me! I don't live in a big house with 100 butlers & 100 rooms. I don't have a car & I definitely don't have a million dollars in my bank account. But I do have something that makes me the richest, the happiest.I have so many things so say. I know I am definitely going to get lost after a few so I am trying to type as fast as I can-

My Jian
Kamal
When I pray
When I remember to Meditate twice daily
Squeeze Yoga in my mornings
When somebody comments in my posts
To see my patients' face when they get discharged
A movie night with my husband
Getting up late in the morning & Hot chocolate in winter
When I look beautiful in a picture- this is very rare
When Kamal compliments me- this is rare, too.
Angry  Birds Games
Family Trips

Giving directions when somebody is lost- this often happens in my hospital because it's a big versity hospital.

Going to my mother's in the weekends- most of the time we fight but often my sister & I watch new movies in the internet.

I get to kiss Jian everyday( even though she hates it & doesn't allow it most of the time).

I GET TO KISS HER EVERYDAY! MY SECRET TO HAPPINESS..SSHHH!

I am a fan of movies. I have a lot of favorites. But I guess I have to mention one. Can I make a list & than pick my favorite one? Oh my God it's so hard!

1. Million dollar baby
2. Up
3. Pretty woman
4. Despicable me
5. Brave heart
6. The terminal

0h! It's really hard to choose. But I guess Million Dollar Baby is my favorite. Every time I see this movie I have this feeling of emptiness, which suddenly fills up with love. I always stop & try to look at my blessings. Well the intro is a lit bit slow, I mean they were showing it in Star World for the hundredth time, there was nothing on other channels, so I thought let's see for a bit.I was hooked with Hilary Swank..I have seen all of her films. Most of them like, P.S. I love you, Boys don't cry, Karate kid these are also my favorites.


Before getting married I made this list of movies which I would watch with Kamal. So we went to a movie store, bought all of them. Oh! among everything my favorite was movie nights with popcorn. I used to cry my eyes out, he used to cuddle me. He really liked all my favorites. He never said it loud but I think some of them are his favorites, too.

This is one of my favorite wedding pictures. I was feeling very anxious & terrified about the whole situation. But like every other of my horrible situations, God sent me an angel. The photographer. He was so humble, asking me to relax & let everything go. So without thinking further I just jumped. I had these mixed feelings of uncertainty & leaving my safe, familiar world behind. So I looked at the floor & thought " I am going to my best friend. No matter how bad it would get, I would be in peace".


This is the same me , but much relieved. Even though I have an exam in my doorway, my house is a mess, I have no make up on, I really need a facial & Jian is running like crazy...I am at peace. Only because I am surrounded by the people I adore & the beautiful things I love.

MY FAVORITE BLOGS:


Lately I am doing some studying at my partners house. I wake up, get Jian ready, drop her at my mother-in-law's, then hurry to the hospital. From there we rush to my friend's home. I come back to my family at 10 or 11. So it's been very chaotic here. Everything is going on smoothly, but my god knows how tired I feel. If it weren't for the challenge I wouldn't have been able to write everyday.

I had this problem about understanding these challenge questions or may be I was a bit tired, anyways Regarding the last post, I have a confession to make...Education is not a right for woman in our country. Most of the girls here either get married early or don't go to school all the way. So that was my point. We as women don't have any privilege to go to a school even let alone choose the methods. Enough for intros, now let's go to the main part, i.e. my favorite blogs...

This blog world is quite new to me, but I have developed some selfish likeness towards a few...

1. lamb loves fox-here is a mother capturing the silent aura of her two little angels. I just love the pictures. I really wish I could capture Jian like this. Don't tell anybody but after my exam, I am starting a 365 day project.

2.young house love- this is an awesome blog about redesigning homes, family, love....you name it.When I was a little girl I used to pretend that I was in a TV show & teaching others about redesigning & organizing things, like closets, messy study drawers & make my chores interesting. Seeing them made me feel that my dream came true in a weird way.

3. live love simple- my favorite mommy blog, actually. When ever I feel lonely as a woman, there is always something here which lights up my way.I have this vibe of positivity, I instantly feel strong.

4. cococake cupcakes- I just love her cakes. All of them. Her pictures are so elegant & the birthdays she & her sister organizes they are so damn cute with  beautiful themes & soothing colors. I am so pumped that I am definitely going to bake at Jian's next birthday.

5. how to escape- it's about an English mother raising her two beautiful kids in Bali, in her new world far from her own. It's so realistic & unbelievable at the same time. I feel deeply connected to them, leaving in a tropical country & all. And also because I was raised far differently from this unfamiliar country that I have to call my own!

6. adopting baby schlenner- The cute kids & mom & dad- all of them are so lovely. The joy & peace they have.. I really want that for myself. And also we have been thinking about adopting someday.

THOUGHTS ON EDUCATION:

Not because I am a doctor, but education has always been important for me. I always loved books. When I was a teenager, the only thing I was to long for was good books. We lived in an Arabian country. Books of my language was not available.There was a voluntary event regarding improvement of my school. I gladly took the responsibility as an library assistant. My job was to clean the book shelves, keep tabs on our limited resourceful books & inspire other people to read. Within 6 months or so I read about 5000 books, tagged them, categorized everything & my library had 100 new members. I knew who read for love, who liked thrillers & who used to read the naughty novels :o

After gaining highest marks in maths in standard 10, my father asked me what I wanted. I begged for a large book shelf. The shelf had 5 steps with over 200 books, educational & novels. But when we moved here my mother had to leave them for excess weight. I was so crushed. I still feel bad about my collection.

It's not that only reading books are educational. I mean now a days you can learn almost anything from a computer. I am teaching my girl these nursery rhymes in my laptop. I don't believe in forcing books on somebody. But reading & learning new things are very important for me. My husband has similar thoughts. He loves newspapers, magazines & talk shows. He knows so many things about almost everything. We can talk about our views & discuss, debate & this makes us more creative & interesting to each other. Sometimes you need something more than love, you need a best friend with whom you can argue & have a fight. Then again make up.

FIGHTING OVER  SILLY THINGS LIKE HOW TO POSE IN THE PICTURE

 I had many issues as a teenager. But whenever I felt lonely, books became my friends. Learning new things still makes me excited. When something negative happened to me I used to calm myself by reading a book. Anything, even magazines made me happy. I just want my daughter to have the power of knowledge. Education is really powerful. It washes away the darkness & fear. I don't her to go to the most expensive school or stay top in her class. But I definitely want her to read, to learn & be a super woman & self-dependent. Without education life is meaningless & boring. I believe simple knowledge can change a human life in so many aspects, that nothing else, not even having a million dollars can do.As a woman, the most important thing I learned was that " Education" is the most powerful weapon I  have got & I want to teach my daughter the same thing.

WHERE WILL I BE IN 5 YEARS:

 After Jian was born, we as mom & dad ask ourselves this same thing quite often. I always have a plan. I mean I don't go ahead of myself but I like to think after a few years I would be more in balance regarding what I really want. It's a heavenly feeling when you hold your child. This little person depends on you, loves you unconditionally. But what about the immense responsibilities? Sometimes you become overwhelmed. So one day I sat with my hubby, with a pen & paper ( that's what he does when he has this important meetings), asked him how he would feel when she would be residing her first poem, dancing her first number. He smiled & said that he would be proud. "What about the credit? Would you like to take some or give me the whole thing as I will be bearing all the responsibilities?" My husband is the kindest person I know. He really cares about us. But as trainee doctor, exam studies & a new mother I needed him more in my side. So we had the talk. THE TALK is this tradition in our family, involving the 3 of us, discussing our future plans. Few days ago we talked about....

1. My job: I like being a mother & I have an exam next year, so hopefully I will join in a hospital after my studies are over & Jian is a little more independent.

2. Daddy's business- He will be going everywhere, doing more meetings & hopefully opening new outlets of his brand. So we will be more stable financially :)

3. Jian will be in school, learning new things & bugging me less...( recently she is in the renowned "LET'S BUG MOMMY & SCREAM HER EAR OFF" phase)

4. I will be living in a green home with solar energy plus a vegetable garden & if possible a cow & some chickens.

5. We would have a nice vacation to Paris ( my fantasy spot) & Las Vegas ( my hubby's fantasy)

6. We would adopt a little girl & welcome her into our crazy world.

7. And last but not the least, we will have an organization of some sort that will be helping people in mass quantities. There is nothing more satisfying than helping a person even it's just a kind word or a little smile!

MY DAUGHTER'S IMPORTANT MEETING FACE

3 HEALTHY HABITS:

I am those kinds who are very uncomfortable about self praising. May be this is not that. May be it's just self recognition. So dear friends I am doing this in the name of the challenge....

1. I pray & meditate everyday-this helps me find balance & be positive.

2. I drink a lot of water,at least 3 liters- this keeps me healthy.

3. I clean my house as workout sessions as I don't have extra time to go the gym.

TRYING TO BE THE FITTEST MOM FOR THIS ANGEL!

WHAT'S IN MY FRIDGE:

I am a fresh food person. I intend to buy everything from local farmers, in small quantities. So my fridge is empty most of the time. I mean I do keep stuffs like eggs & milk in the fridge. But I learned this from my mother that freshness is the main ingredient of tasty cooking. During my pregnancy I did this heart workshop in a yoga foundation. I realized eating is like a style, it's not a necessity & we should not treat food to fulfill our hunger rather our imagination & thirst for creativity. We can turn a dull breakfast into something extraordinary just adding some same color ingredients. One day I surprised my husband with a summer sunshine brunch. I boiled an egg, cut some mangoes, a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice with some spicy bread. It looked like heaven. (I threw in some sunflowers,too. )

Things in my fridge are-

Eggs
Bread
Honey
Butter
Yogurt
Orange Jelly
Cheese spread
Mayo, Salad dressing
Hot ketchup for hubs
Sweet ketchup for Jian
Cooked Spicy beef by mom 
My mother's homemade pickles-mango,olive, mixed
Marinated chicken in my mother's secret receipe
Fresh fruits, vegetables
Water
Jian's chocolates ( they tend to melt on hot weather  )
May be cranberry or mango juice..I didn't have the time to go to the mall.
Some shrimps & beef in the freezer & of course ICECREAM- chocolate is now the flavor of the month.

MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD BOOK:

I remember this quite clearly, as a kid I was fanatic about stories. I had an uncle who used to tell me stories about this girl who was married to a cruel king. The king killed all his wives after their wedding night. But this one girl who was patient & kind began to tell stories to the king. One story had another story in it & all of them were breath taking. Yes you guessed right, it's 1001 Arabian nights. The child version of course. After being nagged for couple of days my uncle bought me the book. It was filled with beautiful pictures. The book had some of the stories like Sindbad & Ali Baba & the forty thieves. I had the book up to my college years but my book collection was left behind due to weight issues when we moved here. My other favorite was 'Thakumar Jhuli'- native stories about this old lady who used to tell  horror stories about demons & fairies to these kids every night! I used to believe most of them were true, ha ha.

ARABIAN NIGHTS

GRANDMA'S BASKET OF FOLK TALES

When I was pregnant with Jian we used to read the following book containing letters of people during our Liberty War. True letters, true words of love, letters to parents or childs, being so far from their home but fighting for the love of Motherland. It used to be so emotional & I used to cry my eyes out as usual. Jian used to like them, too.

LETTERS OF SEVENTY ONE

[As I am new at blogging I don't know how to link the images, so I don't have any intention of hurting anybody. I have respect for them & promise to learn about linking soon.]

10 FAVORITE FOODS:

I was a picky eater, until I met my husband. I guess I had a fear of trying new things. Now I have a new motto. I am at least going to try it once. Enough mushings...here are my 10 favorite foods & all of you are welcome to have them with me if you want!

1. Grilled beef burgers with extra cheese

 2.Subway sandwiches

3.Rice with spicy shrimp

4.Any type of mashed spicy "Vorta"- it's a paste of pepper, garlic, onions, salt & the desired vegetable, favorites to most Bengalis

5. My mother's home made vanilla cake... my brothers, sister & I always have a fight over the cakes!

6. Hot rossogollas- round heavenly sweets dipped in sugar water!

7. Most of  the dishes my husband cooks for me!

8. Thai mixed vegetable with fried rice

9. Malaysian chicken chops

10. Strawberry cheese cake icecream.

I don't know if desserts count as food, but they really should! No meal is complete without it, right! I will post some pictures as soon as I take some with my DSLR.

BEST TRIP OF LIFE:

It's really awesome how this blog challenge is covering little bits of every aspect of my life! You may already know this, I just love going to new places, meeting new people. Getting to know how they live is really inspiring. Once we went to a bus ride from Kualalampur to Sunway Lagoon & the driver was a lady. Her conductor was a female,too. Malaysia is a Muslim country. Most of the ladies cover their body & head. These two were the same. Doing hard work like men but also following their religion. I have this eye for details. I look for daily ordinary living ways rather than something extravagant. My friends were like " you really didn't buy any make up things? Just a cloth drying umbrella hanger & 2 square plates. We had to wait for 4 hours before we could get our rooms in Langkawi, so we went to have breakfast in a local restaurant, I saw the plates & ended up looking everywhere & asking everybody. We went to the corners of that island & got lost but didn't find the plates. My husband still makes fun of me saying " We toured the whole Malaysia just for 2 plates". How & where I got them that's another post!

I was born in Saudia Arabia, a middle eastern Muslim country. So we would travel here once every year with my family. These trips were really memorable as we used to meet all of the cousins & aunts,uncles, bring gifts for them. My brothers & I used to cry our eyes out when it was time to return. Oh I really miss those carefree childhood days.

IN THE AIRPORT WITH MY UNCLES

After being married, me & my husband went to Cox's Bazar- the longest sea beach on the world. I have been there before. But with him I just felt alive. We made this pack of saving for trips. I choose the destinations, do some net surfing, pack everything & he gets the passports & tickets. Before Jian we went to India for 15 days. It was loaded with shopping &  intense traveling.

Then by the time we reached home, we realized that everything was good but we really missed our family. So, this time we planned a family trip to the most beautiful tea gardens of the world "Shylhet". My CD drive is broken, thanks to my husband. I will post those soon enough!

Every one said "You guys are travel freaks but wait till you get a kid!" We were planing for Maldives but I got pregnant. After Jian was born one day I sat at the internet & clicked most visitable places with a baby. Walla! It was Malaysia.  Jian & I have been there twice but my husband went there a few times more. They have this island called Langkawi & we stayed in a room near the sea shore....it still feels like a dream.

Lastly we planned for Nepal. Jian was only a year old & just learned to run wildly. This one was my best trip. We have been staying in a hilly area called "Phokhara", its near the Himalayas. Accidently we got a honeymoon suit & it was just marvelous. The hotel, our views, in one window it was the mountain & in the other window we could see the lake. Every morning we had the coffee beside our large breath taking views while Jian was sound sleep in the bed. I am pretty sure that's like my heaven is going to be!

 One evening we went to this lake side cafe. We ordered stake with red wine. I didn't have red wine before & didn't like it much. Then tried cosmopolitan, didn't like that one either. My hubby laughed at me saying may be I am not a wine person. We also had 'Shisha'..it's a smoking device with fragrant tobacco I guess. I fancied the strawberry. We were having a candle light dinner, it was raining on the lake & Jian was fast asleep on the sofa.Next day we were booked for paragliding but due to bad weather it was cancelled. I have this plan going back there, may be do some hiking & climbing this time as Jian will be much bigger then.

 WHAT'S IN MY BAG:

I have to be always on the go. May be I will go to the hospital & my mother will call me,Then I will be rushing to their house. So I have to be ready. Keep something for Jian in my bag if I don't have time later on. I mean I don't use a diaper bag. Jian is not this little baby anymore, needing 2 sets of cloths, bottles or diapers, YEA! My girl is now potty trained. She can hold her pee even. I am so proud of her, but sometimes I miss all that. You know... carrying a big diaper bag through the whole world. Our large diaper bag from Pierre Cardin was a gift from my brother. It was so dandy moving through Nepal & Malaysia. They have all these various compartments & a changing pad even. We loved it & it proved to be quite durable for 2 to 3 years, even through intense traveling.
 For last couple of months I am using a large bag that can hold my books & Jian's essentials. I don't use make up except in parties from the time I was pregnant. I believe in natural beauty & trying to implement that on myself as much as possible. List of things that I am carrying lately-

1. A kitty hand fan
2. My keys
3. One set of cloth for dripping accidents
4. Body shop strawberry butter for my skin & lips
5. My sunglasses
6. Jian's sunglasses
7. My wallet with money, my Amex card, hair clips & Jian's pictures
8. Hand sanitizer
9. Some books
10. Buiscuits
11. Color pens
12. Tissues
13. A toy
14. Hair comb
15. Jian's insect bite cream
16. A nail cutter

MY CURRENT 5 GOALS

I think this challenge is going to be the easiest one for me. In a typical everyday I would be making a list for the next day, things like Home organizing, my exam study topics, Jian's essential- these three are my top priority lists for the next few months.I usually make my list & then cut off the line if I am done with it. My friends used to make jokes about my obsession with organizing. Someone once even said I should start a organizing business & such. After Jian was born I was obsessed with her safety. Slowly by meditation I learned  to let go. My goals became more positive & realistic-

1. Lose my pregnancy weight:  Recently my dad had a hip fracture. He had been diabetic for almost 30 years. Due to renal problems his bones are now thin & they break easily. This was a quite awaking moment for me. Now I just want my body to be fit.So that I would be able to take care of Jian with more passion. My healthy life choices will influence her body & mind,too.

2. Do regular library works: My exam is on January. So I am in the process of preparing for this four step finale. I would be going to the library at noon, read my notes for 3 to 4 hours, then practicing hand examinations on my lovely little angels i.e. my patients. Pray for me friends. I really need to pass.

3. Improve the look of my Blog: As I am new in this world, I am eagerly learning & changing little thing everyday. I didn't even know anything about photo editing, resizing... let alone banners or templates.

4. Initiate healthy eating & yoga: Everyday I do this 5 to 10 minutes yoga. I have decreased  the ratio of carbs, eating more proteins , having my meals with 4  to 5 hour interval, fasting with detoxifying & cleaning my house as workout sessions. I already lost 8 pounds without going to the gym. But I intend to go soon. May be I will start going to the versity pool. I just love swimming. Swimming & exercising at the same time how cool that's going to be!

5. Enjoy a simple & green life: I used to think you really have to have lot of cash to be green. But recently I discovered, if we just change our priorities we are already green. I don't buy unnecessary baby products. Usually donate everything that I don't need at the moment. Some people like to clench out to things for far out  futures. But If we can help somebody now why not? We should just think for a bit  before buying things like where I am going to put them, do I really need this, is this going to simplify my life? Being a mother it's hard not to buy the most precious toys & baby goodies.  Believe me I have faced my share of demons. But I learned from my baby that no matter what you buy them all they want is to be with you, the words that come out of our mouth, the simplest gestures of love are the most wanteds by our love birds! No matter how expensive or amazing toy I give her, she ends up playing with my silly, smelly hair or just my hands. Oh! I feel so special then.

PLAYING PEEK- A-BOO WITH ME

 ,

MY FAVORITE SONGS

Lately I am stuck in the sound of BOYCE AVENUE. They do all these acoustic covers which are amazing. The boys have these songs that I would be listening to when I am writing my posts & they are so touchy, sometimes these songs even make me loose myself. Songs with great lyrics have been my first choices all my life, powerful words can create powerful thoughts!


Check out this song which I sing to my daughter. Its "Just the way by Bruno Mars". The words are so powerful & true. My love for my baby can't be described in words but this song is quite close.


2. My number two is "A thousand years by Christina Perri"-the Avenue version is awesome. May be one day I will sing this one to my husband when I learn how to sing & play piano. I have this secret wish where I am dead & he is like singing this song to my grave. Yeah I know a cheesy one :)

3. Third one is Jian's favorite "Beauty & The Beast" by Celine Dion,which I would be listening in time to time for popularity demand of my daughter of course.

4."Roar" by Katy Perry. The Boyce Avenue version is quite nice,too. Recently me, Jian & my sister saw Katy Perry's "Part of me" movie. We liked it a lot.

5. Last one is "Careless Whisper" by George Michael. I used to listen to this song over & over again when I was in medical school.

WHAT AM I AFRAID OF?

It makes me feel bad even to think about my fear..I fear of losing this happiness, about happening something bad in our lives & we being too frightened & unable to fight it. So I pray for light, light of knowledge, light of love, light of optimism. I am a brave person. I don't fear death. As a doctor I  have witnessed my share of  loss. I even know I may die tomorrow but now after having to be a mom, I feel I have everything & I fear of losing all these, seeing my girl & my husband in pain will kill me even after I am dead. I just want them to smile where ever I am. I have been places in my dreams. Like my daughter's first day of school, first dance recital, first love. I know my heart will be in her heart...no matter where I am, where I may be!

All these are making me a bit emotional. Are these blog challenges supposed to be this way? Do you all feel like me? Or I am the only crazy cat lady here?

I just want her to remain this way her whole life....carefree & positive

MY PROUDEST MOMENT

This is a hard one for me. I have so many that it's quite hard for me to choose. I always thought May be 10 years from now I will be rewarded for being hell of a great mom, so I have ton of time to practice my speech about my proudest moment. But gosh! I am not ready yet. So here it goes...

My proudest moment was when I hold my baby for the first time in my arms.  Even after 3 years, my eyes just watered up. I still can't believe that I have this amazing gift of god, that I have carried inside me for like 9 months. I had to go through a c- section  for being a high risk mother. EVERYBODY was like you are so soft, you won't be able to continue hardcore training with a baby inside you. One of my professor even thought that pregnancy & training can't go together. He insulted me for being pregnant at the time of my residency. I just thought how the hell he can be a child doctor! I mean all these great moms doing so many things like cooking, photographing, hiking, running, taking over the internet...

I am not angry at anybody for being so cruel. I just pray for them. Being a mom is the hardest thing of all, but it's also the most rewarding thing. We found out we were pregnant at January, completed my 6 month training ( including doing extra shifts because I was pregnant) I gave birth at 22 August. The whole time I was so fit & strong. I did yoga, meditated everyday for 2 times & did this visualization & autosuggestion thing for natural child birth. But in the end my Doctor didn't want to risk anything as I had hyperthyroidism, negative blood group, GDM...all of which predisposes to PPH...risking both mother & child health.

Having a C-section is not that easy,too. As a doctor I knew all the steps, which was terrifying. I had to bear this unbearable pain of incisions for next 24 hours & I couldn't bath for 7 days to keep the cut site dry. I had no milk for 20 hours, which is a common side effect of C-sections...so Jian was crying crazy like 20 hours & she hated the bottle.My husband's one elder sister (did I ever tell you he has 6 sisters & 5 brothers! May be in another post) was pressing on my breasts so hard that she cut my nipple! As I was the doctor everybody was complaining to me about everything, so I couldn't even sleep in peace. I was so hungry, because I had to stay NPO (nothing per oral) for 24 hours or more. I have this aunt who had 2 natural births & a C-section at third time. I asked her which one was harder? she said "Definitely the C-section". So guys I am very proud of you for being mighty strong & giving natural birth but having a hard ass C-section  after 6 months of intense training & holding MY JIAN after all that..... is my proudest moment.

MY DREAM JOB

I have my dream job actually. I just didn't knew it before Jian came to us. I have always wanted to help people, touch their heart in some way. Who else can do that better than a Doctor? I have these stupid stories to tell people that how I became a Pediatrician, but it means a lot to me. So I am going to share it with you guys anyway. As all of you know I have this silly heart that cries at almost anything & everything. So I was there one day doing my Internship, being so sad, crying on the empty roads towards my dorm. Then there was this doctor who asked me what subject I would like to choose for a higher degree. I immediately replied " I don't know yet but God forbid never in Pedi ". He asked me why? I said " My heart tears apart in pain when I hear a baby cry " & he was like " I think that's why you should try in child medicine, because you will work for them from your heart ". That's how I became a Pedi.

A few years ago we went to Singapore & found this amazing thing in a  hospital book!

I  WANT TO BE MOTHER WITH ALL OF THESE ABOVE

MY FAVORITE QUOTE

You will all laugh at me if I say that most of the quotes I came across always speaks to me, like they were all there for me, whispering in my ears. I was always a reader. Books were my best friends. they talked to me in ways that was quite magical & unbelievable. Being a mother didn't change that a lot. My little girl was welcomed to my world of mystery. We had all these little books when she was yay tiny & holding things with her small fingers, obviously trying to shove them in her mouth.

 I am so tired today! May be that's why I am just rambling things.So, here's my favorite quote:





This one is my favorite. I always believed I have this invisible strength in me, that just puts me through unbearable difficult conditions. My mother says I got this from my dad. She says we become numb. But I guess it's just silence for retrieving patience  & power. So I am very proud to be like him.  Now you all know, I am a dreamer. I like to believe I can go to the moon. Is it that unrealistic ... I mean some of you have been there right?

THE MOON THAT LIGHTS UP MY SKY!!

Guys I know sometime I just ramble your brains out but I will try to be very short & super interesting. I PROMISE. The little known 20 random facts about me are-

1. I don't like the smell of fish, so I don't eat any.

2. I am a very bad cook.

3. I  love to meditate & do yoga.

4. I was a obsessive cleaner until recently my husband said something like "I am afraid I will ruin the house". And being the mother of a naughty 3 yr. old really helps you set the priorities.

5. I used to think I am the ugliest girl in the world before I met my husband.

6. I didn't allow anybody to take my picture until my wedding day! The nice photographer explained to me that I was being statue like, so he gave me some tips to open up & it changed my world.

7. I was born in a middle eastern country named Saudi Arabia..its a Muslim country where women aren't allowed to drive.

8. I was a premature baby & was kept inside an incubator for 41 days.

9. I never wanted to be a doctor but my dad had so much hope in me. Now I love it actually.

10. I always wanted to become a professional photographer..may be someday like Dena ;)

11. I used to be a very good runner. There are some medals from my teen years.

12. Strawberry cheese cake is my favorite ice cream  flavor.

13. I cry at almost all sad things..even nice people makes me cry in happiness.

14. I burst in tears when I get super angry, It's one of the things that I don't like about myself. It makes your opposition think that you are weak. And yes, I goggled it ...the crying part when you are angry is quite common in humans.

15. I like to go to new places without any prior plannings. That's how we went to India, Malaysia, Nepal & Singapore. Every moment was this roller coaster ride.

16. I am the eldest of my 3 brothers & a sister. My baby sister was born 18 yrs. after me. I used to take her & my little brother to school, fast foods & parks when they were little.

17. I did a fashion designing workshop where I MET MY HUSBAND. Didn't ever thought of marrying him at that time.

18. I won the Best Inspirational Fashion Designer Award on 2005 at a renowned magazine in my country.

19. I don't earn a penny. After being married I decided to leave my job, do a Higher degree in medicine. I will appear on the final exam soon.

20. For the last 4 or 5 yrs. I am trying to lead a greener & simple life. It's definitely easier than doing this challenge. Ha ha ha.

Recently there were some incidents that made me a little busy to blog. My dad had a terrible fracture. His glucose level was a mess. My mother is in the phase where she complains to me 24x7. And Jian is in the"Look at me all the time stage". So I really needed some light. Then Dena from live,love,simple had this Amazing Blog Challenge. I am so happy & terrified at the same time. Happy coz all of you will witness my evolution & terrified coz I never thought about myself so extensively. Here it goes...



DAY 1 -MY BLOG'S NAME

For last few days I was thinking about the story behind my blog's name. On 1st October it was late,probably 2'o clock at night. I had this urge of doing something for me, something I adored. Like always, I was frying my half asleep husband's brain with my irrational excitement & all these crazy ideas. My husband is this great, 100% supportive guy but that night every light bulb moment I was having was being crushed by his practical analysis. He doesn't still know it but he was being this rude professor who was denying all these little kids college applications & definitely breaking their hearts. I was so angry with him but I decided to do something rather than bitching about it. When Jian & he was fast asleep, I got out of bed, opened my laptop, started looking for anything which would relay to my ideas. As they said it, one of the ways was to open a blog or web page. At  first I went to wordpress, but they were out. Then I tried Blogger. I didn't even know what a URL was, so goggled it. I always thought of doing a project with my daughter with all the little things she does that will mesmerize her when she will become a mother. I did this extensive search on my country's blog list to see what other people were trying to say but nothing was nearly as similar as mine, didn't even know there was something called Mommy Blogs. So I goggled top baby related blogs of the world 2 or 3 days later.. THAT'S HOW I entered this beautiful world of MOTHER BLOGGERS. Not knowing the URL correctly I was typing these words & everything was being unavailable, then having the URL understood the 1st thing I typed clicked.

MY BLOG'S NAME IS -me & my baby- by which my hilarious URL was inspired actually...
(ma and jian)....ma is my favorite sound, it's this beautiful word  in my native language which means mother. And Jian is my daughter's name which means life. I wanted to share all the little but important lessons she taught me,all my solo battles as a mother & a woman, all the places I have carried her in my arm & all the things she will show me in my near future. And yes I will sometimes talk about my practical husband,too.

THERE WAS A LITTLE MAKE UP SESSION BEFORE THIS SHOOT

 I always thought of doing a Wedding Week. This was the best time because of my latest anniversary. These are all kind of a dedication to my husband. Last 31st was my 5th anniversary, I knew him for 4 years before we got married. The funny thing is that we first met on the exact same date we got legal. We didn't plan anything.  Like most Bengali Wedding everything was planned by our parents. On our wedding night we realized that it was the same day we first saw each other. Talk about love!


We have this tradition of surprising each other with silly but wonderful gifts. Most of the time I take the cake but sometime he really surprises me. My first anniversary was so memorable. I still get so trilled to see this pictures  in Facebook & get so excited even after 4 years. I don't know about you guys but I love pictures. They make you go back to the exact  same time in a swift & everything becomes alive. I still remember that day. We went to bed & I was fast asleep because I was so tired of  my ongoing training but he woke me after an hour or so. There was flowers,candles,cake. I was shocked. It was lovely like a dream.We decided to celebrate with our brothers & sisters & went to KFC which was their demand obviously. All of them had as much as you can eat orders of burgers, french fries & cokes. I wore a silk saree & my hubby was in a matching shirt which was a gift from my mother. Oh my god! I was so thin!

MY SWEET HUSBAND ( .....LET ME GIVE YOU A MOMENT TO  SOAK IN THE CUTENESS)

Enough of me guys. Which is your best anniversary moment? Do share with us. I will dog search my possession & try to post my 2nd, 3rd ,4th year anniversary photos. Wish me luck. Why am I so bad at keeping photos in digital storage? Do you guys have any advice for this lost soul? Help me guys!

CANDLES & ROSE PETALS IN WATER (SUCH A NICE SURPRISE)

Guess what he gave me this year. I still can't believe it. I really need a decade to believe that MY DEAR HUBBY brought me a DSLR. I am still reading the owner's manual which I always do after buying something electronic. Here are my guinea pigs. I just love my family for being super supportive.

MY GIRL WAKES UP SO HAPPY

MY HUSBAND MAKING ME BREAKFAST

MY GORGEOUS MOM