My reading partner told me to consult an Endocrinologist back in 2008 when I used to study with her. My restlessness & palpitations were her concerns. So I went to a renowned one who on that day was appearing on a TV show..told me to do T4,T3, TSH. After the report he was like I don't have a big problem & treated me symptomatically for palpitation. May be after a year or more I accidentally went to see another doctor who out of nowhere told me I am probably going to suffer from secondary infertility & may not conceive even. Having a kid just after marriage was not one my concerns but hearing that I may or may not have a child, turned my world up side down. I was constantly talking about having a baby. Asking my husband at least 1000 times what if we don't have a child..who will call him dad & so on. You will never guess the pain if you have not been there. The constant disappointment, the absolute failure & not being able to do anything about it.

But now I know better. I don't get scared that easily. It's like being a doctor you know everything, but being on the other side changes everything. Once I had this cut but when I ripped the bandage off it made me realize how does a patient really feel when we remove their dressings after a big surgery.

No there is no miracle out there. My hormones are still a mess. But I have learned to control the symptoms. My pulse is always 60 to 65/min. My restlessness is slightly controlled ( goes up a notch if I don't meditate..ha.ha ).

Everybody has problems & their own unique way of dealing with it. Some cry, some bitch or some buy things. I always used to sort of become numb. But now I sit on my computer & write about it. I try to google it & talk to other people who are in the same situation. Once I went to a doctor & he scared the hell out of me saying I am not supposed to take anti-thyroid drugs while pregnant..another one said I shouldn't miss it for a day. I was so confused. So I start Googling. After 2 or 3 hrs. I was talking to some moms who had a baby recently & took anti-thyroids while pregnant & felt so much healthier & stronger- the way I never felt in my life. I felt like a queen.. my hubby designing & making me all these maternity dresses....I used to take these long showers & naps...eat whatever my body craved for.

This is my 9 month photo. Come to think of it I had may be 2 or 3 pictures taken during my pregnancy. I really regret not having a belly shot. I love those pictures. Sorry for the bad picture quality, Got these from my Facebook page! Kamal designed this beautiful dress which was hiding my bump..ha.ha.