me and my baby

Recently my husband went to meet an eligible candidate for my cousin sister's marriage. All of them came to our home, then our people went to investigate them. This is a normal cultural thing we got going on in our country. When family elders give us the green light, the groom & bride to bes meet in a place outside their home without any adult supervision..haha!

Anyway the guy was a little bit over restrictive about curtain things, like drinking cola, eating fast food, having friends that are boys, giving chocolate to kids,etc. I like having limitations & certain restrictions in life. But what do you think about so many!!

 Being a mom you have to be tough & over protective.This comes naturally with the job title. But if I put so many lines in front of my daughter what will she achieve in life, what will she learn? I believe in letting go of things. Things you learn by yourself , by falling down in your own makes you realize the pain more. Well at least that's the way my brain thinks. What if Picasso's mom didn't let him draw on the walls? What if Edison's mother scolded him for playing with electricity?

Jian has developed a new thing now-a-days. She talks to any body she meets, constantly asks them questions & eats their brain off. Sometimes I think it's very dangerous because she even talks to strangers & sometimes I think if I stop her so much it may cease her normal cognition. I always want my daughter to be open minded & big hearted & all that she could be. My sweet angel " Please be good & be patient & God protect my love from all the evil out there."

HOW CAN YOU PUT RESTRICTIONS OVER THIS LITTLE ANGEL?

JIAN WITH PINK TONGUE!

At last we made up. He didn't say sorry of course, but I let it go & forgave him. After my hubby getting robbed by somebody cutting his panjabi's pocket ( you won't believe me if I say that this happened to him once before )... I, being a nice & thoughtful wife told him to buy a smart phone which will eventually help him check his e-mails & do necessary things without opening the lap top. Like everything else he is not giving me any credit for it & as usual I am not shocked..haha!

Anyway the mobile is awesome & it takes beautiful photographs in daylight. Here are some recent shots after my cutie pie, when she got better from the whole stomach flu incident. I have this huge exam on 1st January & I am studying my AO & I am staying at my mom's for some day, typing in with my sister's computer.She is addicted to pinterest just like me. Oh yeah one more thing, my husband did say something about pinterest being cool, not saying it directly to me!

This would be my little brother's & all my blog's critics reaction when they will be reading this post, so embrace yourself! Don't tell me I didn't warn you...

So there she was in my hand, with all of her cuteness, crying my ears off for milk. My very second experience with my daughter. I was having dizziness due to the pethidine they push post operatively for the uterine cramps. But every one was screaming in front of my face & asking me why my baby was not getting any milk! One of my sister in laws cut my chest while trying to pump out the holy drink! Yes, I am calling it this as the flow & the benefits are one of the mysteries yet astonishing thing in the whole world. HAHAHA!

We live in a beautiful but sometimes peculiar country where most of the people think bottle milk is better than breast milk. So almost all the doctors think prescribing a bottle even in the most exceptional scenarios is a crime. What if the mother has a defect of some sort? What if she is unable to produce? What if she is a working mom? So many what ifs but no body has the answers. I guess you have to be brave in these situations & talk with other moms. Talking about your problems really help! It helped me & my worries!

Recently at least 4 or 5 new moms called me for the same problems.....reduced breast milk. So after further due I sat down, did some research & start writing incorporating with my own stories of course! So there I was hallucinating about screams in my head, my mom was begging for milk to other new moms who didn't help, thinking about their own babies demand. I just stopped thinking so much ,asked my husband to buy the bottle & fed her.

The next morning something so terrifying happened...the upper part of my chest below the neck including the pits were engorged & so tender I couldn't even breathe. I thought I had a tumor of some sort. Now I laugh about it but it was really a terrifying experience. I did know some things about breast feeding but it was not enough. So all the new moms should schedule for a Lactation Consultantion, who will cover all the FAQS about breast feeding & related stuffs.

Drinking fluids like 10 to 12 glasses of water & 2 mugs of warm milk helped me a lot.

Proper sleep & napping is also one of the key factors.

Nursing should be very comfortable & in a calm environment. Loud TV sounds & flexed neck reduces milk production!

Eating your carbs & protein is also very important. Things like berries, lemons, cucumber, potato & bottle gourd helped me a lot! A little bit of spices & chillies also helped.

Don't drink a lot of tea or coffee.

Snuggle with your baby & husband when ever you can!. This releases oxytocin & helps to improve milk production!

Don't forget to research or talk to other moms. Because we are great, we know everything & we rule the world! I just high fived my little sister..my top blog fan!



 

Many of you know that Cardiology means Heart related studies..not literally but close. I am, for almost 5 days trying to read my Cardiology portion for the exam of course. Funny how things you need to learn in life are taught by your 3 yr old daughter! No matter how many books you read, how many Higher Degrees you get..life comes to a point where you stand on a verge of a emotional mountain, feeling so lonely, insecure but a little warm hand comes out of no where & holds you tight. Changes everything in you, turns your life upside down invariably. You stop thinking only about you, you start loving who you are...exactly the way you are..unpolished & uncut..full of cellulite & messed up hair!

You all know about my recent incident! But all my friends came for my rescue. I am so relieved knowing I am not the only mom out there being all crazy & messed up...or so as MY DEAR HUSBAND ALWAYS SAYS! I have realized, like the heart, we are very complicated in our own unique way. All the veins & arteries have these awesome little but very important jobs. Some take unclean blood to the lungs, while others supply fresh blood to our body. Everything has it's own functions & lifetime. Too much fat clogs these vessels & the heart stops. Too much stress releases these bad chemicals which also affects the heart. And you all know about the heart ache right! What about loving somebody? Does that affect your heart,too? It skips a heart beat or two. I mean why does it skip beats?

Did you know our fetal heart has all these alignments & even a little millimeter can mess up it's overall development? We got to feel blessed to have a full functioning heart & I am praying that no sorrow can build an awful heart ache, no evil can touch your heart!

Recently I am going through those days, days filled with rough patches, darkness everywhere. Jian was so so sick. I ran from one hospital to other, looking for answers. She had so much pain but every doctor said it's nothing. Being a mom, constantly looking at your child's sufferings but not being able to do something about it makes it hard. And being a doctor makes it harder!

On top of all these I had a big fight with my husband. Every time we have something between us, it's always had been me trying to solve it, talking about it or praying for it. He is so reluctant about me. Nothing makes him worry & he never says sorry. God forbid...every time I talk to him he makes me feel it's all my fault, we go no where & eventually I let it go & say sorry even though it was him all along!

I am so grateful that Jian is a very playful & active child. She was like that even when she was only a few months old, talking with her eyes, moving her hands & body, making us understand what she was thinking, so eager to engulf the whole world around her. But Now I just can't keep up with her. My exam & all other responsibilities are taking a toll on me.I keep losing things, forgetting important things. I lost our anniversary video, Jian's pictures, our paragliding video... which was mostly my husbands fault, but he refuses it. He also lost the USB cable to our handy cam which, like always, he doesn't accept. Over all blaming me for stuffs!

I have decided not to say sorry this time! Let's see how far he can go without admitting his fault! Guys I really need your help this time. Give me some light so that I can choose a path. It's just killing me inside. Don't ask me to sorry though!

Today something amazing happened, so amazing that it can't be described by words or pictures. We won the Guinness World Record of the World's Largest Ever Human Flag, 27,117 people standing tall & holding our pride, our existence in the hands of our youngsters. Jian & I were standing in our home with a card in our hand, participating in our own way, popping up with excitement in every moment like we were there! Now I have a slight realization of the feeling how my motherland felt 40 years ago.She got to be the proudest mother in the whole world. No doubt...The proudest mom still standing high, protecting her children from the demons, protecting me from the evil eyes.

YEAH WE DID IT!!

Jian had been sick for almost 4 days. Now she is much better. But my little bug kept asking me " WHY AREN'T GOD TAKING MY STOMACH ACHE AWAY? "Oh the pain I felt inside my heart, it crushed me into pieces, every time she asked those. We had planned to go out for 16th..for celebrating our victory day. But now may be we will stay in our home & enjoy sleeping in. My girl has grown so big, I mean she says all these grown up things, expressing herself like her daddy, making me all confused!!

I couldn't bear her little aches. I couldn't answer her innocent questions. What does we say to those children who have lost their fathers, their family in these so called War of Freedom. How much more will it cost us? What else would we have to sacrifice to go out of our house & feel safe? What else we have to do to make our children feel safer? My husband says money & power is important. But now after living in my mother land , seeing all the innocent people pay with their life  it made me realize ..yes money & power is very important. It makes us forget where we came from, it makes us carefree enough to play with the lives of little children who constantly will ask us such stupid questions " WHY AREN'T GOD TAKING MY PAIN AWAY?"

Recently I have been a little overwhelmed. May be with the exam nearby & my constant failure of trying to remain sane with a 3 yr. old. Eventually I decided to keep a pre-exam journal. So that when I see it after wards I will laugh at my sane-insane era..the exam-baby era...the era of doom ....the era of darkness ( not kidding ).

I know there is time but I need some more to finish my studies.

I know I shouldn't fight with my mom, but she expects the world out of me.

I know I should use my new camera but the stupid exam.

 I know my husband is a saint but sometimes he annoys the hell out of me & I just want to strangle him.

 I know I should not be pinteresting now but it's freakishly awesome.

I know I am a good mom but Jian is constantly shouting for my attention & testing my patience!

I know you can't see the future but can you just tell me that I passed!

I know I am perfect but I really need to loose some weight asap.

I know I have all the time to be a cook but every time before an exam I regret not cooking for my husband.

I know I have love inside me but sometimes I can't control the hate.

I know I will grow out of these but what if the negative people around me don't let me?

I know my BD friends are all reading my posts but why aren't they leaving any comments.
I know this is a regret sheet but I will act that it's nothing to do with that leave it at that.

My reading partner told me to consult an Endocrinologist back in 2008 when I used to study with her. My restlessness & palpitations were her concerns. So I went to a renowned one who on that day was appearing on a TV show..told me to do T4,T3, TSH. After the report he was like I don't have a big problem & treated me symptomatically for palpitation. May be after a year or more I accidentally went to see another doctor who out of nowhere told me I am probably going to suffer from secondary infertility & may not conceive even. Having a kid just after marriage was not one my concerns but hearing that I may or may not have a child, turned my world up side down. I was constantly talking about having a baby. Asking my husband at least 1000 times what if we don't have a child..who will call him dad & so on. You will never guess the pain if you have not been there. The constant disappointment, the absolute failure & not being able to do anything about it.

But now I know better. I don't get scared that easily. It's like being a doctor you know everything, but being on the other side changes everything. Once I had this cut but when I ripped the bandage off it made me realize how does a patient really feel when we remove their dressings after a big surgery.

No there is no miracle out there. My hormones are still a mess. But I have learned to control the symptoms. My pulse is always 60 to 65/min. My restlessness is slightly controlled ( goes up a notch if I don't meditate..ha.ha ).

Everybody has problems & their own unique way of dealing with it. Some cry, some bitch or some buy things. I always used to sort of become numb. But now I sit on my computer & write about it. I try to google it & talk to other people who are in the same situation. Once I went to a doctor & he scared the hell out of me saying I am not supposed to take anti-thyroid drugs while pregnant..another one said I shouldn't miss it for a day. I was so confused. So I start Googling. After 2 or 3 hrs. I was talking to some moms who had a baby recently & took anti-thyroids while pregnant & felt so much healthier & stronger- the way I never felt in my life. I felt like a queen.. my hubby designing & making me all these maternity dresses....I used to take these long showers & naps...eat whatever my body craved for.

This is my 9 month photo. Come to think of it I had may be 2 or 3 pictures taken during my pregnancy. I really regret not having a belly shot. I love those pictures. Sorry for the bad picture quality, Got these from my Facebook page! Kamal designed this beautiful dress which was hiding my bump..ha.ha.

Today one of my friends asked me why don't I write about my friends? So I thought why not? I must remind you it's going to be a roller coaster one with tears & a lots of bitching with less majestic words because I had those associated with most of the friendship in my life!

Where do I begin? Let's start from the top. When I was in Kinder garden One day I saved a boy from beating & bullying. Come to think of it we are still very good pals! Our family became the best of friends! Then when I was in grade 5, I had this friendship with a beautiful girl with glasses who helped me with my English while the popular girls made fun of me. I wonder if she remembers me?

Eventually came high school where I made a few friends. I was a little introverted so I guess no luck there! One day this one girl came to me & asked if I would be her friend? But it turned out that nobody was talking to her & I was the only one who was never rude to anyone in my class.Or this is what I can recall.

As I grew older the friends I had either left the country or got married. I became more confined in my self, my books, my world. But I always tried to respect my friends. I even helped others in their studies, gave them my notes & stuff. But as I was the only girl with maths, they always avoided me. Took all the notes & class lectures but some how forgot to tell me about the picnics they were having. All those things used to hurt me, but come to think of it, they had nothing to offer me. No knowledge, no love. All they did was either gossip or bitch about their boyfriend. I didn't had any so I was not welcomed most of the time.

I entered my versity life with so much openness, so much eagerness for love & friendship. But found no light. Most of my room mates were so selfish. My friends judged me for other things. The things I didn't have, like beauty or mimicry. Eventually I made some good friends & we still say hello even though we got married & live so far away. When I was in fourth year of my college I met my husband & I found friendship. I know all of you are thinking it's so cheesy & unrealistic but it's the truth. I found friendship in the most unexpected of places. All the friendship I have missed these years just filled up with so much love I radically changed to this person totally opposite the one I was before. I began to love myself, I began to love others.

One day my husband said to me " All the bad friendship is over, from now on you are only going to have good ones " & it did come true. I was really blessed. Wherever I went I met these awesome people. We went to India, met a local Jaipuri girl in her father's shop & she rode me in her bike, took me shopping ,sight seeing. We met this couple in a bus in Kualalampur & still are good friends. My husband & I got some beautiful couple friends with whom we party a lot!

Now as for the conclusion I have met some beautiful & lovely people whom I proudly call friends now & then as they fill my days & my heart with such light & love that It's becoming so clear to me now... You really find love & hope in the most unexpected of places.... like blogging!

HOW CAN HE BE SO BRAVE & HANDSOME ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

Breastfeeding is a heavenly duty both for moms & dads. It needs a lot of patience & courage. You can ask any mom & she will suffice you with all the facts. I remembered once we were on a trip in Kualalampur & Jian was having a hunger cry. We were inside a mall, so I asked a sales assistant where I could breast feed. She just looked at me in disgust & told me that I was not supposed to breast-feed inside, rather go out of the mall! I forgave her of course. That's what moms do. They forgive you for all your mistakes, so that you can grow.

I was a working mom. I mean I used to train for my FCPS degree. Getting up every single morning, Sterilizing the bottles, pumping milk for the 6 hr. gap when my baby wasn't going to see me. I couldn't take Jian to work. But sometimes Kamal used to bring her to me when she was reluctant. When I used to come back home with extremely tender & engorged chest, bathing & squeezing out the milk was so terrible sometimes that I even cried to sleep. I was so depressed at that time but fortunately I was rescued by my prince.

So what did he do -I mean what can a guy really do you ask?

He used to hold the baby in first few days, because I had abdominal soreness from the C-Section.

Helped me in the daily chores.

Taking care of the baby when he returned home & gave me special break to watch my favorite TV show.

If the baby woke up at night, He let me sleep in & took care of the baby!

He did the laundry & still does.

Sometimes cooked for me.

And last but not the least, inspired me to finish my 1.5 yrs. of vigorous training when I constantly tried to quit every single day.For all the new dads out there if you have any inquiries, check out this awesome article.

KAMAL PREPS LIKE CHEFS... HE STILL SURPRISES ME WITH EXTRAORDINARY COOKING

VERY SPECIAL THAI VEGETABLE RICE..JUST FOR MOMMY

I know I am going to be laughed at by some mothers for this. But I am just sticking to it. This simple but awesome ideas or tips or tricks do work. I mean most of my friends & some cousins often ask me how do we do it after knowing each other for almost 9 years!!

Now let me tell you the story from the beginning. There was this beautiful good girl who was saved by her charming prince & they got married but then the prince realized the girl has OCD & beats the hell out of him & they fight badly ever after. Well this is not our story but it's quite close, except for the beauty & good part. My compulsion of doing everything perfectly & obsession about cleaning & organizing turned up a few notches after our marriage. But both of us has this one good thing in us, we listen.. I mean really listen even though we pretend we don't. We constantly try to make our self better for the other one. May be change a little but it's for love. Everything is fair in love..Right?

My tips & they always work..believe me:

1. Forget how organized you were before. If you are a new mom you are supposed to have food in your hair till 2 yrs. Cherish every moment you have together because they will turn 3 in a blink of an eye & you will be like why did I spent all that time cleaning the toilet?

2. If you are breast feeding, eat as much as & whatever your body wants & craves. You can start exercising later. Too much dieting, thinking, can reduce milk production.

3. If somebody says you are fat just tell them to carry a baby in their uterus for 9 months & then try to be  MRS. World, politely with a smile of course, we don't need to be rude. If you have a baby, your body is supposed to hold on to the fat, it's just human physiology.

4. Take care of your husband or you can just give him a nice back massage with the baby oil, you don't need the essential ones. My husband loves it when I pamper him. He was always like you don't love me anymore. So I give him these 5 to 10 minute super fast foot rubs or back massages 3 times a week & he is all in love with me again.

5. Eat as healthy as you can. Drink a lot of water. Water is the answer to all our health problems.It's really the Fountain of youth.

6. Do lot of or some Meditation & yoga for that peace of mind. I use meditation downloads. These really works if you do them every day at least once! If you do it twice nothing will move you, not even mountains.

7. Try to laugh at your mistakes, treat yourself with ice cream, give yourself the most awesome pedicure, the ones you can't afford or better yet get a full body spa & yea girl you have earned it.

8. Start a blog. It will help you to connect with other creatures out there called REAL MOMS. These are the ones who are exactly like you. They don't have time to shower or brush their teeth. They gain weight & can't loose the pregnancy fat. Blogging will also be helpful in documentation, scrapbooking, learning new things about mommygraphy.

9. Start PINTERESTING. It's awesome. You get to learn so many new things in so little time & I think it was invented for the mothers. Today I tried the home remedies for cracked heel for my husband. It worked like a charm.... as always.

10. Try to survive the day. Don't think or plan for years ahead. Baby steps for baby moms. Hey how is that for a book title?

FAT BUT HAPPY..SEEE!!

I always wait a year long & plan everything from cakes, snacks & party favors for JIAN'S BIRTHDAYS! Of course I plan big, then I become a little unrealistic & plan for 100 peoples which is very hard if you have 12 brother & sister-in-laws & their spouse & their children & their grand-children. Everything goes out of the hand because I always feel comfortable arranging a party in our house rather in restaurants where you have to leave after the party is half over & all the children are running like there is a fire in the house.

I have planned for Jian's birthday for 3 marvelous times in 3 different color themes & 2 different house. 1st & 3rd one in my mother's, 2nd one in my 700 sq.ft apartment with 50 people or more!! For the next one I am hopefully going to...

1. Make a minion cake- Jian is in love with these little creatures. I won't lie.. I am a bit in love, too :p

2. Make awesome hand puppets for the puppet show

3. Hand-made little bird houses or photo cards from previous birthdays of the same kids!

4. Create a bowling game with soda bottle minions!

5. Arrange an art show for the kids with their paintings

6. Create an indoor ball pool

7. Make a tutu for my angel!

I think I have everything figured out for next year.. Except I don't have an oven or I don't know how to sew & my husband messes everything from the smallest things. I have found these amazing ideas on pinterest & just wish I don't get lost on the way with a lot of ridiculously good ideas!!

EVERYONE WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT CUTTING TWO CAKES!

The 1st birthday had Princess Theme. Jian, me, Kamal wore pink. One was a princess crown cake another one was a strawberry cake which we ordered from a local cake store named "Sumi's Hot Cake". Yummm.

The 2nd birthday was more fun! All of us wore red, the ballons were red. We had a doremon almond cake with special black forest which was more yummy than the 1st. I arranged these awesome games for both the babies & grown-ups.

THE GLORIOUS SECOND

The 3rd birthday was a little unorganized because we would go easy this time but end up doing it all over again! I told Kamal to order a small LOVE YOU JIAN board which we can use every year, he ended up writing the year.. other than that everything went smoothly.

THE MEAAW THIRD

Today I felt so out of order. The rush really kept me going. I have already thought of the topics for the next few posts though. Funny what only a 30 day routine can do to you!!

Jian's favorite books was long overdue. So I thought why not? Something related to My baby will definitely cheer me up :(

My Jian always loved books. She has a big collection!! But recently she has developed this terrible habit of tearing the pages & playing with them! She only does this when she is around her cousin. I wouldn't say it's bad influence but she never did it when she was small. Anyway her favorite book collection consists of following books, torn out pages [ I gave up gluing them back ages ago ] & the faces all scratched out by colored pencils.

AWESOME PICTURES- 1ST RULE OF ECD

GOOD FOR CHILD-PARENT INTERACTIONS!!!

EXCELLENT FOR VISION, COGNITION & EMOTIONAL RECIPROCITY

LEVEL 1 IS FOR AGE 3 & ABOVE, 2 FOR 4, 3 FOR AGE 5

EACH LEVEL HAS 4 TO 5 BOOKS

My friends were always like we don't have cute & educational baby books. Sadly I was in that group, too. Until I discovered these marvelous Little Readers Series. They have a lot of choices & 20 books only costs 10 dollars ( approx. 700 taka I think ). If you are willing to enjoy some story time with your cute puppies just go to any branch of Patshala or you can visit their stall in the book fair, filled with discounts & new books to choose from!!